Everything Wrong With The Mummy Trailer

Graduating has put a lot into perspective for me. I’m finally an adult now, and I have a lot responsibility now. Perhaps the biggest realization that came with all of this is the fact that I really don’t like the new Mummy trailer.

As most readers of the blog know, I’m a huge Brendan Fraser nut. Though as amusing as it may be to picture me as an acorn shaped like BF’s face, that is clearly not what I had in mind. What I had in mind, and soon to be out of it, are my profrasernal opinions about the new Mummy movie starring Tom Cruise. TLDR (trailer lousy don’t re-watch) it’s a vicious mockery of everything that the original Mummy held dear.

Chronologically (or should I say chronoillogically?), here are my problems with the trailer.

1.) Too much Tom, not enough Cruise
2.) There is way too much sand. I hate sand
3.) Their “deconstruction” of Marx’s analysis of Capital is interesting, but underdeveloped
4.) The actual Mummy seems like a jerk
5.) Also, the Mummy’s tapes “blaming” people for her entombment is a jerk thing to do
6.) During the airplane scene, the airplane is attacked with birds. Birds only do this when provoked. No such provocation was shown, making me doubt any existed at all.
7.) The scene with Tom Cruise in a bus was ripped straight (well maybe zig zagged) out of Speed, the first and only entry in the “bus film” genre.
8.) How is a” mummy” alive again? A key condition for being a Mummy is being dead, which this movie just throws out the window (the bus window!).
9.) No Brendan Fraser in sight, or on site. I’ve considered the potential red herring, but this was ruled out when a different type of bird attacked TC’s airplane.
10.) Way, way, way too much sand
11.) Egypt hasn’t been around for 1000s of years, ever since Alex the Great snatched it up. I’m down for alternative history but this seems barely addressed.
12.) The pyramids shown were a nice reference to Maslow, but more needs to be said about this connection.
13.) Shouldn’t the movie be titled “A Mummy”, not “The Mummy.” Surely this isn’t the only mummy out there.

 

 

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