By Dr. Pablo Jobson, President of the Great Island Nation of Archipelagon
Hello, I am Dr. Pablo Jobson, president of the great island nation of Archipelagon. Now I know many of you readers reading this likely have strong opinions about our country, or at the very least have likely opinions about our strong country, especially due to how we’ve been demonized by your Godless, inhuman media. Though the Western swine have wrongly cast us as villains (we are really more of a Kurt Russel type protagonist), we also admit some wrongdoing. This post will hopefully let us atone, and bridge the divide between our country and everywhere else in the world, similar to how Kurt
Russel stopped the Thing in the movie the Thing.
First off, we were wrong to launch our nuclear missile without the proper permits. Jefff in accounting was dealt with for this mistake, and as punishment was given an extra F to his name. Now his name is just ridiculous. He will soon be back crunching accounts after a count crunches his back. Secondly, we were wrong to film our own rival version of the Fast and Furious franchise, and we were wrong to also cast Vin Diesel as our lead. Speedy and the Steamed was a great film, but suffered from a lack of Hollywood realism. The car, even if it was based off of my real life escapades, should not have able to drive across water. This isn’t Jesus on Heelys, this is real life.
With regards to our accusations of human rights abuses, no comment.
Your countries have also made mistakes. You are all Western, capitalist scum who would be better in the ground, as dead as Obi-Wan’s master. But we are going to let Qui-Gons be Qui-Gons. See I know Western movies and quotes too. We not so not similar you and I. So like my drunk of a father used to say, let’s give it a shot.