Did Julius Caesar Have it Coming?

First off, everyone calm down. Talking about Caesar is a very touchy subject, especially given the fact that he was “touched” by a whole bunch of his “subjects”.  He was stabbed to death.

I’m not here to vilify this man. I’m here to vilify this ro-man. First off, who does this guy think he is? He goes in to Gaul and makes a mess “Gaul” over the place. He killed thousands of people. He also formed a threesome with Pompey and Crassus, two other men. If there are any students of history here, they may remember the name Pompey. It was the name of a volcano that Caesar’s friend controlled. This volcano would end up blowing its load all over thousands of people. Crassus was fine though. He definitely did not have what came to him coming.

Let’s get back to Julius Caesar, though. He was the author of several books, including an autobiography. This was especially arrogant giving that cars hadn’t even been invented at this point. Trying to write a book about this future industry is insulting to talented individuals like Henry Ford, Enzo Ferrari, or Adolf Volkswagen, the greatest of the three. we have firmly established Julius’ arrogance, but this is unfortunately not enough to kill someone over. Lucky for you my college classmate kid with the brown glasses.

Here is a picture of a statue of Julius, so it’s pretty much the real thing.

caesar

Look at how his eyes are clouded over, as if he had recently done some type of drug. Also his nose looks very large, suggesting he is privy to prying into people’s personal affairs. And don’t get me started about him crossing the Rubicon. He has a famous quote, “the die has been cast”, except it was said in Latin. First off, there is no evidence to suggest he cast any sort of die.  This blatant lie to his troops is downright insulting, and we get right down to it, inexcusable. Ironic, his use of “die” right before he “died”, after being stabbed. I’d be remiss if I did not mention Brutus, his friend; Brutus was his friend.

Julius also tried to turn the Republic into an Empire.

Verdict: he deserved it

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