Back in the early 2000s a lot of crazy things happened. For the sake of brevity (no pun intended Japanophiles), I will only focus on one of these bizarre, surreal aspects of the early 2000s: Jeeves. Early last decade a thing called search engines were becoming popular (if you don’t believe me, Google it). Search engines, for laymen and women, use a text crawl to compile SERPs, initially checking for a file called robot.txt before indexing them based on a variety of factors, such as content or Metadata. Then when you search the web for data, the engine accesses it’s index and displays this info.
Back in the early 00s as I like to call them, there was no search engine more popular than Jeeves. Jeeves was a patriarch in the Ask™ family, first metaphorically, and eventually literally. Based on my large body of research into this, I can safely state Jeeves was the face of the entire operation. Fielding millions of questions daily from knowledge hungry consumers slowly began to take its toll. He eventually began redirecting search results to a how to on how to make an IED (and not the good kind). As more and more people began inadvertently making and using IEDs, the death toll began to rise, many people fell into comas, unable to pay Charon for a ride to the other side. Eventually, an undercover journalist was about to blow the blankets off of this whole thing.
When it came to hunches this journalist’s was no slouch. This upstanding citizen possesed strong backbone, releasing an exposing expose that was set to book Jeeves after his plot came to an end. The article titled “What We Ask When We Ask Ask Jeeves” quickly lit the web aflame, sending the eight legged Internet dwellers to that woodpile known as Earth. Jeeves still had some tricks up his sleeves. Still I grieve the reprieve received from Jeeves sleeves: he created bing.
Jk, he orchestrated a series of fireworks explosion at the largest old folks home in NYC. They never saw it coming. This infamous act was of course (it had a GPS to direct it’s movements), an homage to the outfamous explosions of the 70s, whose famously obese perpetrator is still at large. Ask™ still hasn’t fully recovered from the damage their brand, and old folks home, has taken. They linger on uncertainly into the night, like the old men and women of an underfunded, underemployed cold folks home.