So recently I wrote a post explaining some easy skills you can learn. One of these skills (which was written about in a recent blog post) was playing the didgeridoo (this was listed with several other skills in the blog post, composed recently). This post has recently received a few complaints about how learning this Aboriginal tool of music isn’t easy. It’s not even medium. It’s full blown (#didgeridoojoke) hard (also #thatiswhatshesaid).
One email I got from firstname.lastname@example.org (it’s a college email I think, so is this his real name? Also I’ll stop with the parentheses) said:
I didn’t respond but if I did he would’ve responded with a vicious comment about how hard the didgeridoo is to play, as has been the trend.
So I’ve decided to just give a few pointers to get you started out tootin’ the old dooster. Now please stop emailing me about this.
1.) Don’t inhale and exhale at the same time. Choose one or the other, don’t try to be a hero.
2.) You can’t fill a flute with warm desert sand and paint in in vivid tribal colors and call that a digeridoo. It is a stupid idea, Scott.
3.) Plant your feet about three to three and a half feet apart and square your shoulders. Have your knees slightly bent, but also slightly straight too. Point your torso towards the middle of the audience you are performing for. If this is a solo venture, point your torso straight towards the sky. This won’t help with the actual playing, but will help with your overall flexibility, increasing your quality of life. You don’t need to force your torso towards the sky the first few times (though only a real jerk doesn’t, also jk about the parentheses thing), if you need to do it gradually you can.
4.) Have fun. This isn’t a recommendation; it’s from the council of eleven, an elite clergy of the eleven best didgeridoo players in downtown Memphis. Fun is a necessity to make the most pleasing didgeridoo arrangements the council has, like the average Grindr user, mandated. The classic counterpoint to this example is famous fun hating Didgeridoo player Gril Firs, a man who hated the world so much that he took out an ad that was just a photo of him punching a basketball painted to look like Earth. In retrospect, some say this was caused by his divorce from his Danish wife, Claire Ity, who left him for a balding German woodwinds player who only played his showy music to the works of Goethe. This flaunting Faust flautist, Herr Les was actually a pretty swell guy by all accounts (lets just say all the goodwill he accumulated was definitely an asset. This was an accounting joke. I don’t expect you all to get it, just wanted to let you guys know I’m versed in accounting. I also have other skills. Check out my resume on LinkedIn!). But yeah, Gril could care Les about him. Claire was who really angered him. Gril managed to channel his disdain for dis Dane into some great didgeridoo pieces. So long story slightly shorter, fun is mandated, unless you can hate (d?). Damn that pun almost worked. Fuck this. Tyler out.