I was actually going to go eat dinner and maybe see a movie right now but I guess I can do this first if you really need me to. No seriously, it’s completely fine. It’s not like I had anything else to do. And helping you guys out is so important that it has to take priority over anything else in my life.
So you want to know how to be passive aggressive. It’s not hard at all. I think you might be able to figure it out. Let me break it down into a list so you can understand it.
- Communicate primarily through written word, post it notes are most effective. Do not show any overt emotion in the note. I’m not sure if someone like you knows this but showing emotion turns passive aggression into straight up aggression, and that’s an entirely different topic if you weren’t aware already.
- Be patronizing. You probably have not already inducted this yet, not that I expected you to. A lot of creeps have a bad time inducing this as well. Being patronizing, to quote Webster’s (I’ll try to quote books you’ve read from now on), is the art of “combining condescension and dismissiveness through the medium of a friendly tone”. This can get some people who don’t know how to do obvious things and require help, extremely angry.
- Lastly, insist nothing is wrong. Say this to the face of the person, looking them right in the eyes. I’m assuming they look at your face much less than you look at theirs, so you’ll have to make your very scarce time count. If they ask you why you are being difficult, insist everything is alright and laugh it off with them, then shit talk them behind their back.
This should be enough advice for someone like you to process in one sitting. Now that I’m done, I’m going to go do what I originally planned to do. But seriously it was no problem, just check the refrigerator for the note I left. Don’t worry though, everything is A-Okay between us, I really hope to see ya later.