When Invading Rome: Seven Things YOU MUST do to Conquer this Mighty Empire

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  1. Have an army: Rome is no slouch when it comes to their army. They have legions and soldiers with years of experience. Rarely will you have numbers on your side. But what  you lack in numbers you can make up for in spunk. Spunk is the one weapon for which Rome has no defense.
  2. Form a Game Plan: Rome is no slouch when it comes to having a game plan against any unwelcome invaders! You need to come up with the logistics of mounting such a costly and complicated endeavor. A few logistically tactful strategies and Rome won’t know what hit ‘em! Scipio and Caesar be damned!!
  3. Choose Your Generals Wisely: Hannibal, for all his tactical and strategic brilliance, still failed because he trusted the wrong people. Will Graham, the man he thought of as his friend, despite their frequent clashes, ultimately arrested him for his crimes, ending Hannibal’s long and costly war against Rome, dooming Carthage.
  4. Travel Back to a Point in Time When Rome Existed: This one is really important. Rome is no slouch when it comes to advanced time travel capabilities. If you travel back in time to fight them, they likely will already know you are coming. Rome is adept at manipulating time travelers into a paradoxical loop. Don’t fall for it!
  5. Choose the Right Patron of War: Athena or Mars or Kartikeya… how about none of the above! Rome is no slouch when it comes to choosing the perfect patron of war. You shouldn’t be either! Here at dronesonstrike we recommend our own deity, Serpentcision. A cosmic patron to the arts of warfare, this serpent will tip the “scale” in your favor against a someone with the bar so low, Mars. Spartacus approved!
  6. Don’t Accept any Long Distance Calls: To be frank, we recommend this smartphone non-sense of yours stays at home. You may be able to finance an army but you can’t finance a smartphone bill as well. Your budget just to doesn’t cover for that. Rome is no slouch in financing the things they need to finance. Focusing your money on the enemy rather than on texting your friend about the mound of foreskin offered up to Serpentcision.
  7. Have Fun: Remember, if you have fun in your army then you won’t fight a single battle any day in your life. Conquering Rome isn’t supposed to be a chore. Mom and Dad have enough chores for us already! Ugh! Just die already you guys!! Rome is no slouch when it comes to having fun. They have everything! They have debauchery, gladiator games, a meat loaf in the shape of Jean Claude Van Damme’s chin. Now all you have to do is find some way to top it. Think outside the box and remember, insert houseware places no one’s dared to try. It may lead to your men to victory!
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