Oceans of Fire: Moby Dick Re-envisioned for the Future

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The camera cuts to a panoramic view of an irradiated wasteland metropolis, destroyed, on fire, corpses scattered across the streets. The city is Detroit. An old man’s voice cuts through the silence “I remember what the world was like before the bombs dropped.” Suddenly the timeframe skips forward 100 years to 2115, to the present, which is to say, the future. The entire Earth is a radiated, post-apocalyptic wasteland, think of it like the original Mad Max  except without the anti-semitism. Or the Fallout series except with better graphics.  The main character Ishmael Strom wanders the scorched Earth, looking for any job really that pays so long that it involves rampaging cyborg whales. He finally reaches a fortified fortress. What he sees there shocks him: people who can control electricity. He ponders on their hostility towards outsiders and they tell him of a creature they’ve been hunting for years: a robot cyborg genetically engineered to be an unstoppable killing machine and a whale. These scientists, who also control electricity (this will be really important later in the movie), contract Ishmael Strom to track down the murderous beast.

At first things seemed fine. Fine, they were a little strange. Strange in that Ishmael discovers that the lead scientist Abrahab, had not only encountered this whale once before but twice before. Before, in these two encounters Abrahab lost both his legs (not actually the whale’s fault, both times Abrahab carelessly stepped on rusty nails, got tetanus and had to get his legs amputated). So now Ishmael has to carry around this legless guy. And his severed legs. Abrahab likes to have them around as good luck charms. The legless guy also helps track the bowel movements of the whale. Upon arriving there they see the whale. Abrahab using his ability to control electricity (I told you this would be important) charges his cell phone and calls for backup. But wait, let’s back up.

You probably have some questions. What happened during Abrahab and Ishmael’s journey to New Bedford? How did Abrahab grow his legs back? Abrahab grows his legs back by the way. Did Ishmael get back together with his on-again-off again light switch? Well firstly, yes Ishmael got back together with his temperamental switch for a one light stand. As for the legs thing I forgot the actual reasoning. It made sense when I wrote it. Something about the power of friendship. Or maybe it involved cloning legs and surgically attaching them. I’m not sure, all you need to know is Abrahab’s grows his legs back. He ends up losing them again pretty soon after from tetanus but for these few hours he runs like he’s never run before. Unfortunately this new running method is not a good thing. Abrahab runs in a peculiar fashion, not bending his legs at all, and holding his arms behind his back like it made what he was doing more impressive. So now that we are back up to speed (if we slow down again this blog will explode), let’s speed up to the back up. They have just arrived and are eager to destroy the whale. Unfortunately, Abrahab’s reckless running leads him to run straight into the whale’s mechanical jaw. Abrahab is dead. Ishmael Strom, through the power of friendship, disembowels the whale and mutilates its corpse, feasting on its heart and burning the rest. A slow cut to credits begins. Ishmael Strom now looks straight into the camera and says “I couldn’t have done it without you, Herman”. Following this, a Herman Melville impersonator placed in the audience of every film will stand up and say “No, thank you! You are of the ashen heart from whence I came, oh brother of the salty sea.” Herman bows to the audience and saunters out. Finally, it ends…

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